When You Have Family in the New York Frontlines of COVID-19

So I don’t know where to begin. But we all have to start somewhere. We all know someone who knows someone who knows someone who’s in the trenches of this war against COVID-19. Or perhaps we are that someone. I do know someone, my cousin V (read: close to me like a big sis) who just happens to be a seasoned emergency room nurse in New York, married to another emergency room nurse. Mother of 3, plus my 83 year old aunt lives with them. I’ve seen the news and all the social media about New York. I’ve prayed and bided my time and waited to call them because I know they’re rotating 12 hour shifts, sometimes back to back, and I didn’t want to intrude or wake them when they were home. But on the cusp of a conference call from work re: safety protocols (I will be returning to work soon as an essential health care worker) I needed to hear advice from someone who’s been doing this for a long time. She called me back on the drive home. It is different reading the bad news on social media. It is WAY worse hearing it in the voice of one who was basically my big sister growing up.

These are the sobering highlights of her phone call.

1. This is a war. Make no mistake. Her observations: A patient entering an ER in NY exhibiting COVID19 symptoms serious enough to need medical attention has a fifty fifty chance of dying. 50/50.
2. Her shifts in the ICU: the patients “were dropping like flies,” coding all around her, one after the other after the other like a bad dream. Once a patient is intubated it is “simply a matter of time.” She has never seen anything like this in her 30+ years as a nurse. Once a patient has passed and is wheeled away, another arrives to take their place and the horror begins anew.
3. The dying do not have a chance to have family there. There are no more visitors allowed. Ever.
4. The morgue can not hold all the dead. Refrigerated trucks await in the bay and are filled to maximum capacity (100 bodies) before being driven away and replaced by another truck. She doesn’t want to know what happens to them. She has to finish her shift. All hands on deck.
5. The numbers in the news feel low to her. She feels like it is much much higher than what the news media is saying about NY. She is angered at Trump and can not watch the TV anymore.
6. N-95 masks are rationed and signed out by employee name. They are tight and painful. They stay on for the whole 12 hour shift with perhaps a short break for a quick meal. She is naturally claustrophobic but she stays the course and all PPE remain on including protective eye wear.
7. Decontamination protocols before arriving home from work necessitates removal of work clothing while in their attached garage, placing clothing in plastic bag and sealed to be washed later separate from other laundry, then run to shower before interaction with anyone or anything inside the home.
8. She wears a surgical mask at home and doesn’t hug her children or her elderly mom for their safety. Her husband does the same. She makes light of the matter by joking that her sons are teenagers, they don’t miss her hugs. She says “Sarah hug them now when they’re little cuz once they’re 13 , 15, 17 years old and up they think you’re weird and won’t hug you.” 😞
9. She prays every day to not catch the virus or bring it home with her. She prays to live another day so she can help people the next day. And the next and the next and the next.

I cried a little inside. I asked her : WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL MY CIRCLE, MY FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY. And how do I proceed with caution when I go back to work?

She said:

1. Stay home. PLEASE PLEASE STAY HOME if you can.
2. Essential tasks only, and wear a mask when in public.
3. Hug and appreciate your loved ones specially your kids: you never know when you may not be able to hold them someday 😭
4. For work: Keep your PPE on. Treat everyone as if they are already positive for COVID-19. Wash hands, decontaminate and do not deviate from protocols. No shortcuts, no exceptions.
5. Please pray for everyone who is risking their own lives fighting this war so that we may live.

I love and respect my cousin and she is one of the bravest and most generous people I have ever known. (In 1992 she flew from NY and took a leave of absence to take care of us when my ma was recovering from brain tumor surgery when I was 15). I hope her words resonate with you as they did with me. We are blessed to be able to stay safe at home. We still have a chance to flatten the curve and slowly inch our way back to a semblance of normalcy. Let’s take care of each other. We are all in this together. Be kind. Plan ahead. Stay smart. Stay safe. Stay home.